I had several recent experiences, all of which reinforced the idea that sometimes, we are literally one good conversation away from fixing a potentially large problem.
Experience #1:
A C-level executive confided in me that he was thinking of leaving his job. He said that his boss (the CEO) didn’t seem to care or pay much attention to what he had to say. He wanted to find a place where his input was valued.
I encouraged him to first try and learn something from the situation and suggested a coach to help work through it.Ultimately, he did and found how he was part of the problem. Somehow, he had developed the assumption that his boss didn’t care for his input. So he had been coming to meetings and conversations and saying very little.
His coach worked with him to challenge his assumptions and to bring his opinions to the table. He did, and it was game-changing. The entire dynamic improved and he is still there and thriving.
Experience #2:
A client I know well got angry with someone on my team. He literally yelled in the middle of a meeting (I was there).
The next day, I suggested we get together to talk about what happened. After the usual chit chat about traffic and weather, I told him he really mattered to me and I wanted to understand what was going on and what he needed.
As we spoke about the specifics of the meeting, it was clear he had been thrown by things in his own head — perceptions that were incorrect and had nothing to do with what my colleague had said or done. This led to a deeper conversation and an opening for us to take our relationship to the next level.
Experience #3:
A trusted and valued relationship of mine made a huge mistake that significantly affected me and very much came as a surprise. Knowing everyone makes mistakes, I was prepared to forgive and move on once we talked it through.
Sadly, the response I got was a voicemail well after it happened and no additional follow up. I had very much wanted the relationship to continue, and an open, authentic conversation could have completely restored it. Instead, the damage to the relationship was deep.
Ignoring Problems Makes Them Worse
Difficult conversations can make us uncomfortable — many people avoid them and say nothing, or walk away from a job or relationship entirely.
But these conversations don’t need to be adversarial or filled with conflict. And when we are willing to have them, they can result in significant improvements to a relationship or situation, whether that’s someone on your team who is thinking of leaving, a difficult client situation, or something else.
Plus, relationship difficulties tend to get worse, not better, when left alone. Misunderstandings expand in our heads and small things left unchecked can fester and grow.
But I understand, confronting these situations is a muscle that takes time to develop. In my younger days, I would have simply left my angry client alone, assumed the worst of him (and me!), and let it go. Not only would that have not fixed the problem, it would have been a missed opportunity — we would not have had the chance to work through the challenge and come to a greater level of understanding.
Conversations of this type start with curiosity and compassion for the other person and knowing that each one of us has a different set of stories in our heads. We can have a million guesses about what’s going on, but only by having the conversation can we get to the root of things and make progress.
One Conversation Away
As recruiters, fall — the unofficial new year — is one of our busiest times. Once summer ends, there is always an uptick of people wanting to talk with us about moving to a new job.
So consider whether there are folks in your world — the ones you desperately don’t want to lose — who would benefit from an open discussion, an apology, or just knowing how much you appreciate them. Sometimes, that next big breakthrough is just one conversation away.
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