After more than 25 years as an executive recruiter, I have had the privilege of building relationships with thousands of amazing people. Sadly, I can’t stay as close to everyone as I’d like.
But with my large network, I have frequent interactions where somehow, I hear both “sides” of an exchange between two people. It can be jaw-dropping to see how differently two intelligent, reasonable individuals can interpret the same situation.
This may be between two peers, a boss and subordinate, or CEO and Board member who are not getting along or having difficulty working through an issue. Both are frustrated. When I ask each what the other person said or did, the difference between what one person thought they had communicated and what the other person heard can be tremendous.
It is obvious to me that each has a “story” in their head that is preventing them from hearing the intended message. I think about all the lost productivity and suboptimal decisions that will occur at the Company as a result, not to mention the negativity that can come home with each person at night.
This has been on my mind lately, especially with the challenges so many in our industry are dealing with these days. The stress level is high (even before you read the news!) and that makes miscommunication even more likely. Our background, experience, upbringing, exposure to information, and personal interest all color how we perceive a given situation.
As for who is right, one of the principles I always come back to is, “It’s never zero or 100.” The “truth” of the situation is always somewhere in the middle; no one is 100% right or 100% wrong.
Grace, Gratitude, Good Intent, and Kindness
At this time of Thanksgiving, my wish for all of us is that we try to be less committed to being right and defending our own point of view. Instead, let’s try to view a conflict with another person as an opportunity to learn more about them and why they feel the way they do. It is also an opportunity for gaining more self-awareness around how we are being perceived.
Real insight comes when we are curious, open, and interested in learning from and about one another. Few issues are truly black and white – the solution is nearly always somewhere in the middle.
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